How Not To VHF

The time I hailed a bridge and reailzed (again) that I’m frequently an idiot…

You know that moment…you’re underway, approaching a drawbridge, and you reach for the VHF to hail them. And without thinking, without pausing for even a microsecond of the self-doubt that should define every HowNotToSailer’s life — you press the right number but say the wrong thing.

So on channel 9, the drawbridge frequency, you say into the microphone, with absolute confidence, the words you imagine you’re supposed to say:

“Structure C, Structure C, sailing vessel Jacie Sails.“

Now, if you’re familar with this particular area…you would know that Structure C is the Pinellas Bayway bridge. A fixed bridge. A bridge which cannot open for anyone. Nor did it need to, generally…having 65 feet of clearance.

The bridge I was trying to hail was the Tierra Verde bridge…which at the time was a drawbridge.

“This is Structure E, captain,” came the terse reply of the somewhat curmudgeonly bridge tender of the actual bridge I wanted to open. “Structure C is a fixed bridge.”

I wish I could say that’s the only embarassing or sketchy moment I’ve had with drawbridges. But it seems to be the most amusing to other people.

But I do take great comfort when I hear some of the things other boaters do on Channel 9.