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in this episode I had towards St. Pete for the boat show.

Bob: Where did he go? Bradford, are you here?

VO: To host our Patreon party.

Peter: Let’s plan to do this right or rush, right at rush hour.

VO: And hopefully to haul the boat out. Maybe.

BR: I’ve been looking at the charts and it was concerning me.

There are parts of the channel coming in that are four feet at optimal tide.

VO: You know the drill say it with me What could possibly go wrong? How Not To Sail, sponsored by our awesome Patrion patrons. And Latitudes Attitudes, magazine. They ruined my life. So why not let them ruin yours today? At lats

BR: Well, off we go to the boat show. I have no idea if I’ve gotten everything I need. But it is what it is.

VO: You may remember last episode, we went Cruising with The Admiral.

Bradford: You got stuff to say?

The Admiral: Maybe. We’re sailing. Something’s bound to go wrong.

VO: But still needed to haul out the boat to replace the through Hall’s.

BR: Yes, hi. I was just calling about a haul out.

VO: So I’m headed back to St. Pete for another Horrell wind visit.

Besides hauling out. I’m hoping that our sponsor captain Bob Bitchin of Latitudes Attitudes will let me pimp out the podcast at the cruisers party.

I’m also going to be hosting. If you can use the term loosely the very first, How Not To Sail patrons party.

And our friend Captain Boomi’s is going to be there.

And besides finally saying how to in person, I’m hopeful that her husband Christian can have a look at the boat.

And check my sanity.

That’s probably asking too much.

BR: 9:20 AM, and we’re off. I was aiming for seven. But not very hard

VO: The Drive south started about as per normal.

BR: If I played my cards, right. I could hit both rush hours, Atlanta and Tampa.

VO: But traffic was actually pretty decent.

I got into Gulfport about dinnertime and did something i rarely do

at the risk of jinxing, my usual ritual, I’m going to stop here at Tiki before I go to the marina because they have good food. And my buddy Peter is playing tonight.

VO: As it turns out, Peter’s actually just sitting in on percussion for open mic night, which is kind of a crapshoot.

BR: What’s up.

Peter: Yeah. I don’t really know what I’m doing tonight, Bradford.

BR: So how is this different?

Peter: Yeah,

VO: But I’m expecting to hear more of Peter’s music tomorrow at the patron party.

At any rate, a reef donkey ale or two was enjoyed along with some great fish tacos and then to the boat.

BR: All right. I’m a board. Jacie Sails. She still afloat.

And despite the fact it’s like 60 degrees, I’m still sweating after just barely moving a few items aboard,

VO: Which leads me to an important observation.

BR: I guess it’s time for How Not To Sail 1 0 1. It’s humid near the ocean. I think I’m going to need a beer and to move about as little as possible for a few minutes.

VO: Mission accomplished. It’s always better to be humid with a cold beer then without

Perhaps the most important item on my agenda, this trip is one of the smallest gatherings. The How Not To Sail patrons party.

Thanks to captain Boomi’s and Christian Sondra and Jimmy Mike, mark, Christine, and Peter Suarez for making it a super fun time.

In fact it was so much fun. I barely managed to record any audio or get a reasonable picture. But perhaps that’s for the best.

You know what request I go? Exactly. What is it? The pants video limit. Oh gosh, let’s see what I can do it. I have been working in a little bit lyrics.

VO: Don’t worry. I’m not going to play the prisoner’s lament again, but you can always have a listen by going to the show notes.

I think it’s fair to say that everyone had a large time. And I very much appreciate everybody for coming. It was apparently so much fun, even all the emergency vehicles in the neighborhood had to get in on the action.

Peter: So if you will give me but one chance. I’ll surely convince Ye that we should be in each other’s pants.

Yeah, let’s plan to do this right or rush, right at rush hour.

On the street at rush hour. Perfect. I loved it. Anyway,

Mark: Singing about the convicts and the cops are going by.

Peter: Yeah, there you go. Perfect connections.

VO: I think we might just have to do that again sometime.

BR: Morning, we still got a spot.

VO: The next morning, it’s off to the St. Pete power and sales show.

BR: Oh, I was going to ask, do you mind if I get me saying good morning to you for my podcast? How Not To Sail?

Woman: Oh, good morning.

BR: Morning.

VO: Other than entering the boat show twice because I left my stickers in the truck. Getting in the show goes pretty smoothly

BR: It’s not a map. Is there? Oh, okay. Oh, gotcha.

VO: And I guess I should do some boat show kind of stuff.

BR: This is where I, uh, walk along the dock and talk about boat prices.

VO: And let me tell you they got some prices.

BR: so here’s a prestige for 20 call for a price.

VO: That’s probably a sign. I can’t afford any of these.

But let me ask this fellow standing on the 70 footer here.

BR: I’m wondering if, if for my podcast, How Not To Sail without naming the broker or anything, would you be able to give a ballpark price on these two vessels? Okay. I would, I really would, but I’m guessing it’s 70. Sorry, you have to be around there.

VO: Yeah, I think we can just move along here.

I’m not here to buy a boat. I have my own agenda.

I see how it, he did the fellows from my marina.

BR: how goes it?

Denis: Good, good. Doing okay

VO: And captain jeff Hinshaw.

What’s shakin’? Everything good. Hell, we’re having a blast.Yeah. As usual.

VO: Before making my way over to the large tattooed fella. Who’s the sponsor of this show. Captain Bob Bitchin

Hey, Bob! Good to see you. You mind if I record you say in Bradford. Hi.

VO: Yeah, I’m a goober.

But I’m also a goober who could use some help promoting the podcast.

BR: I was going to bring some books tomorrow for the giveaways.

Is there any chance when those come up that I could have about 30 seconds to

thank you and ask people to listen to the podcast?

Bob: Done. You got it.

VO: You got it said the captain.

All right. So we get to plug the podcast at the cruisers party. Another pretty awesome thing. I actually run into a few people. Who’ve heard the podcast.

I said, do you remember that? How Not To Sail podcast. They were talking about that boat that came out of the fog and they were certain, it was containers.

If those games. I gotta admit it sure makes the work worthwhile to hear somebody listening

Woman: that’s him?

BR: That’s him.

I didn’t know you would be

VO: But let’s get out of this noisy environment before my head gets too big to go through the tent flap.

VO: So I’ve got the okay. From Bob to plug the podcast. And I met some great people. Now it’s time to go back to the boat and do a little interview recording.

And to have Mr. Christian look over my boat. Not Fletcher Christian, but Christian captain Boomi’s husband, the awesome engineer.

Although you can’t tell a whole lot about through holes without seeing the inside of them. I just kind of want to know if he sees any signs of imminent failure or whether it looks like my diagnoses are somewhat correct

we start with the through haul to the head, which is easy to access just by pulling up the cabin sole forward.

Christian: You said those ones kind of

BR: loose. This one is stuck on trickle. Stuck

Christian: on trickled. Okay. Oh yeah. Yeah. You’ve definitely lost the keyway there. Okay. So that’s exactly what I thought was going on is what’s going on in there.

Um, which is unfortunate, but easy enough to replace.

VO: So basically what I have is a bronze piece that comes through the hall. And then there’s a 90 degree bronze piece that attaches to that. And then it goes through a bronze valve.

And the ball in that valve, no matter which way I turn the handle, that’s supposed to control it. Is stuck on trickle.

BR: the two others in question or to port and starboard in those, in those drawers? I put the damper there just for your convenience.

VO: After getting measurements on the air conditioner and masquerader valves, we moved back into the galley to have a look at the engine raw water intake.

Christian: It was this one. Just lift and go.

Wow. A timing chain. Look at you. That’s wild. I hadn’t seen one of these, this, old. This is great.

VO: I’m going to take that as you have a classic and not. Bless your heart

Christian: Yeah, it feels very much the same. And this one looks like another half inch as well.

VO: I’ve been wondering how Christian knows what the inner diameter of these Grokko valves is. It turns out there’s a little secret hiding on the backside.

Christian: you see these stickers right here. So that number at 500, that’s going to be your clues. That’s half inch. The one inches are a thousand inch and a half is 1, 5, 0, 0, but that’ll always tell you.

And then this was also typically cast into the actual site. So even if this falls off, you’ll still know what’s going on. I love this brand

BR: for that reason.

VO: Again, that’s Grokko or GrowCo. I’m not sure which I don’t get anything from them, but just so you don’t have to rewind. More good news is the through hall itself doesn’t seem to be rotating. Like I was afraid it was, and it looks like I can just replace the valves instead of replacing all the through hall assemblies.

Which, unlike the valves go through the whole.

Which would take my planned workload to a whole nother level.

Christian: Um, this is just on the threads. Okay. So you’re good there. Okay. I think you’re in good shape, man. I would say don’t even worry about the Marlin. I mean,

unless you just really want to do it, but it’s going to, you’re going to have to do a lot more work.

VO: Hmmm. A lot more work. Let me file that under… no.

So I’m going to keep my haul out appointments so I can work safely instead of with the boat in the water. But i don’t think i’m going to mess with replacing all the through halls i’m just going to change the valves

Christian: you’ll know like when you go to take this apart, it’s either going to come apart or it’s going to crumble in your hands. And as long as it doesn’t crumble, I wouldn’t worry about it.

VO: I almost have to wonder if Christian isn’t having a go at my expense with that advice.

But meanwhile, it’s time to interview him and captain Boomi’s.

The results of which I suspect you may hear in the next episode.

Christian: And I said, f— this machine. And left us, sold everything. I owned and packed my entire life and the two duffel bags and went to Florida.

BR: I think that’s a good band name. F— this machine.

Christian: Yeah, I agree. I agree.

VO: If you saw captain boomi’s interview on How Not To Sail dot com you can probably imagine how many great How Not To Sail stories these two have

Boomies: I take my champagne glass and I throw the rest of my champagne on my crutch and pee and run for the gangway going, oh, oops. I spilled.

VO: Heck, I just call that a Friday night.

We’ll hear more from these two kids next time. But meanwhile, I have to get to the cruisers party at the boat show

so I can take captain Bob Bitchin up on his offer to say a few words. I’ll try not to screw it up

BR: Hey, how’s it going? Y’all uh, parked the boat show media. Okay.

VO: Love how that media thing works.

BR: Go into the garage second level. Awesome. Thank you so much.

VO: So I’m back at the boat show on a cold and windy Saturday night.

To perform one of the most important functions of this whole trip Whenever Latitudes Attitudes is at the boat show. Every Saturday night, they have a cruisers party after the show closes.

Eric Stone plays some original Trop rock.

Latson ads provides free pizza and beer. And there’s lots of giveaways.

Some of which tonight are going to include a free copy of the book. How Not To Sail.

And in return, Bob says I can preach the gospel for 30 seconds or so. I’m going to be on him like white on rice I’m not worried at all that Bob would renege. I’m just worried that he has a lot on his plate.

Christian volunteers to Don the headphones in the recording bag and the fancy microphone.

I linger around the perimeter of the party tent for one break, two breaks.

Three breaks.

VO: Now it’s time for the prize giveaways.

Come on. Come on.

And then.

Bob: How Not To Sail and 17 is Cruising association. Sure. The book, How Not To Sail. He helps me with my radio show every week. Actually, if you’d listened to Latitudes & Attitudes, rainy on tire radio, anybody out here, one or two of you. Anyway, this is the guy that opens the show. The guy that introduces me on my radio show, Bradford Rogers, and How Not To Sail, where did he go? Bradford, are you here?

man has a face for radio.

BR: I’ve just got two questions. Who has heard How Not To Sail?

Who has not heard How Not To Sail? I need all you people to listen because we’re almost at a hundred thousand downloads. You all can make the difference. I promise you it doesn’t suck too terribly bad. And I will have stickers if anybody wants to see me. And I’m going to get the hell off the stage.

Bob: Thank you for doing the opening. Okay. Holder of ticket number

BR: 1

VO: So Bob was as good as promised and then some.

and one of the main pillars of my whole trip is complete.

Which is good because predictably the remaining and arguably largest item on my punch list. Is not working out. Is i relate in a call to captain boomi’s and christian sunday morning

Boomies: What happened?

BR: So, uh, The nice lady at the marina said that they had six and seven foot draft vessels coming.


I’ve been looking at the charts and it was concerning me

because it’s showing that

there are parts of the channel coming in that are four feet at optimal tide.

VO: And that’s kind of concerning because I draw 5.08 feet.

I was planning to sail all the way across the bay Sunday and anchor out in a very cold Tampa bay

so I could get in the inlet. First thing Monday morning. I guess it’s a good thing. I checked.

BR: And eventually they connected me to a nice captain, who knows the channel very well. And he said, would you like me to help you in. Well, if it’s even feasible at all, but after further discussion, he let me know that he was not entirely confident that even with his assistance, we could get in at the exact I tied tomorrow.

Boomies: God, I’m sorry, man. I think that leads me to a final lesson for this trip. Courtesy of captain boomi’s How Not To Sail 1 0 1. Always, always follow up with the boat yard.

VO: They may mean well, but they don’t always know a lot about sailboats.

And sometimes they may not even have you on the books to haul out until you call back the second time. Not that that’s ever happened to me

VO: I guess I could choose to be upset that I’ve booked a nonrefundable room across the bay that I don’t need now.

But I had a great boat show, an awesome meetup with the Patrion crew.

And there’s a lot worse places to work on a podcast.

Come join me on Friday, February 25th for episode 32, where we talked to Christian and captain Boomi’s in much more detail.

Meanwhile, tell a friend, they can find all things, How Not To Sail at How Not To Sail dot com. I won’t be mad at that a bit. If you’re better at math than me, you probably figured out we’ve finally reached escape velocity on a bi-weekly podcast or. Twice monthly anyway.

Like every two weeks unless there’s more than two in a month

Thanks as always to our awesome Patrion patrons.

Shout out to new sailing master Francine this week.

And to Latitudes Attitudes magazine. They ruin my life. So why not let them ruin yours today? At lats Thanks to design noam and bob kagan from canada for their nice five star reviews on apple podcasts

Thanks to Maxi Frini for his patience and his editing and mixing prowess. You can find him at Maxi Frini dot com.

Thanks to cindy dobbins at above water pr for the boat show hookup

Thanks to captain Boomi’s and Christian for their awesome hospitality.

Thanks to Christine Lazada for her drone excellence and awesome social media advice. Thanks to Peter Suarez for sharing the music and thanks to you for listening. Don’t forget to check out the show notes at How Not To Sail dot com slash three one.

Meanwhile, make sure that you’re not stuck on trickle and I’ll see you next time on.

How Not To Sail, screwing up as part of Cruising. Let me show you how.

Christian: whenever we woke up, hung over the next morning, he’d just be laying on like the floor and he’d be like halfway on the, on the toilet. And we just go, ah, I apologize. We just keep hollering that caller response in the morning.

Show Notes

Oh so much more below…but first, here’s them chapter markers, in case yer the impatient kind:

Chapter Markers

(Because our friend Christine Lozada said so!)

  • Intro  0:00
  • Traveling South 0:54
  • How Not To Sail 101  3:03
  • The Patrons Party! (Ambulance Optional) 3:41
  • Boat Show Day One: Somebody’s heard of me! 5:26
  • Mister Christian (or I’m Stuck On Trickle) 8:12
  • An actual TIP about valves! 10:04
  • Cruisers’ Party Pimpin’ 12:56
  • Boat Yard Blunder 15:40
  • How Not To Sail 101 (Another One!) 17:07
  • Outro (The Coconut Telegraph) 17:58
  • That Sound Bite At The End 19:40


Patreon Crew Meetup

The Patreon Crew meetup. Photo courtesy Christine Lozado. (But blame me for any color wackiness.)

St. Petersburg Power & Sail Show

Captains Bitchin, Boomies…and me. (Courtesy Captain Boomies.)
Christian getting ready to capture the audio in case I get on stage. (Courtesy Captain Boomies.)

Interview Shenanigans

Interviews aboard the boat. Yes, I am aware I don’t need the wind screen inside. (Coming soon!) (Courtesy Captain Boomies.)
Caption it yourself… I got nothin’. (Photo courtesy of Christine Lozada.)

The Prisoner’s Lament

An awesome song by our friend Peter Suarez. You heard a little bit of it in this episode. If you want to hear the “official” version, check it out here.

(Don’t be confused by any captions that say, “All At Sea”… This is the droid you were looking for.)

[If yer one of the Patreon crew, look for the exclusive link to a clip of Peter performing The Prisoner’s Lament, to the accompaniment of the ambulance siren, at the Patreon Crew Meetup.]

Want to become part of the Patreon Crew? Just CLICK HERE!

Previous articleSt. Pete Patreon Crew VIP Meetup
Next articleEpisode 32: Captain Boomies and The Bear
Bradford Rogers
Producer. Performer. Sailor. Multimedia Ninja. Author of How Not To Sail, host of the How Not To Sail podcast and YouTube channel.



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